Gay High school Teen self-discovery.

     At first I thought it was fate dealing me a raw deal, yet again! Cause this wouldn't be the first time I found myself on different lanes with
reality,headed for a head-on collision. Another fault within me, I thought, and stifled the urge. All
this erupted within me as I watched our  well-built swim instructor
walking in my direction.
      I was drawn to him,since the day I laid eyes on him; a fine man,with lean muscles ripping out of his fitting shirt, his neatly shaven hair and well kept nails. He was the spitting image of my
favorite stud ripped from the many romance novels I had consumed in
my early teenage! A fine guy who didn't mind taking good care of
himself and his appearance and still maintain a measure of ruggedness,
that hinted he could last, and is every bit the man he seems to be.
     Oooh I hated it! How I always ended up holding or standing on the
short end of the stuff. This must be destiny, playing around with me
again! Didn't it see I was messed up enough? That I had nothing
worthwhile with me? And now, just when I could count myself as a
normal 16 year old, it pops open this can of worms.....
      I had counted my huddles, and judging by how often I fall over
them.. I was sure there wouldn't be any going back from one such as
this one! And no rising from this pit.
       It was my 16th year, or my 8th year in hell, as I loved to call
it. I had no home as yet, no family and never a lasting friend. I was
the lonely boy, sticking to my shadows and the corners. The only
companion was my old diary I used to write down my most intricate
thoughts, as poetry.
    Ever since the car accident that took away my parents, I had since
resigned myself to my new status as an orphan. But somehow I always
had new depths to get to. What with all the relatives I had traversed
through ;none having anything good to say of me afterwards.
     My aim now was to focus on my studies and ensure my life. I
envied my schoolmates, their lifestyles n all. How free they were to
feel and live, love and laugh. I had made so much progress in
accepting my place..... N then this happens! Aaaargh why me?
     The passion tears me apart! Boils from inside. First it was the
class prefect, Joseph.... So kind, and steadfast, strong and delicate,
he is an epitome of a great man in the making. I dismissed it as a
simple case of admiration, so after I transferred it quickly turned to
missing.
   But now, now it was bad especially after my reaction to the class
bully Michael. I thought it was fear causing the trembling, thin
sweats, and general rise of temperature. This was before the incident
that had both him and all class steer off me! It was completely
unintended, when he pinned me on the wall and all went silent despite
the jeers and cheers. All I could feel was his warm breath and his
rusty cologne;and I felt myself levitating to his lips, eyes shut,
breath held, as if awaiting a big event.
     And that's how I ended up the 'Class freak!' I had vowed to never
let me get that way. To maintain control was my one sole aim.... And
here I was admiring the man before me.
  "Hey!"  and just like that I was rocked into reality! And the
warmest smile made the sunshine glide over my skin, melting away my
thoughts. There and then I knew I was meant for this! That ai loved it
and I wanted it.
     A week later I didn't have any regret as I walked out of the
gate, for the last time. The expulsion was swift, quick and I may add
fair! I was foolish to force myself onto someone, even if I misread
signs.....especially our new swim teacher
    But it was refreshing, the freedom! I had realized I could breath
softly and a glow had sparked inside, an ember that threatened to glow
4 ever.....